Life gives us what we need. And sometimes lessons can be difficult. However, as I reflect upon the experiences of my life, including the most painful ones, I realize that this has been a weaving of lessons that have brought me to more clarity, awareness, and a deeper seeing and understanding about life. Working with crystals through the years has most certainly sped up this process.
Today I’ve been reflecting on one of the bigger lessons that I’ve received in this lifetime. I’m going to call it spotting the masked victims. I have met some interesting characters throughout my life, and some of the greater lessons have come through the masked victims.
What is a masked victim?
It is someone who presents multiple stories or scenarios where they are always the victim. It’s a theme. Perhaps their story goes like this: something happened to them in a job situation where someone mistreated them or a partner previously may have spoken to them in a particular way or they’ve had a traumatic childhood experience - what I would call “victim stories”.
As an empathic person, listening to these stories in the past, evoked a sense of wanting to support and help this person seeing the injustice of their experiences and shares. What I later came to realize about these particular masked victims is that they are always the victim in the story. They always are the ones that things are happening to, and yet the same people never take responsibility for their own behavior. It is always everyone else’s fault.
Byron Katie has a quote, “Victims are violent.” I never fully understood it until recently. How is a victim violent? They are the ones that are violated. They are the ones that have been through this experience. When you encounter a masked victim, you understand. This is a personality type. That is always the victim, but takes ZERO responsibility for themselves. They are always the ones who it’s been done to. They have a reason and always a story they do not take full ownership for their part. As my best friend, Kate says, “It always takes two to tango.”
So when you meet someone and they have lots of stories about how they’ve been wronged in their life, beware. Stay alert, and be present. Really listen from a deeper place. This is an opportunity for us to grow and have deeper, listening as someone is continually sharing their victims stories. With folks like this, be super alert. You will most certainly be the next perpetrator in their victim story.
Someone who views the world this way and has zero responsibility for their part will always be stuck in this cycle. And I find the masked victims to be actually quite dangerous people. These are people that are not really interested in evolution. They present themselves as perhaps, sweet and docile beings in the beginning however, as you learn more about them, they take off their mask, you get to see the true anger and arrogance that lies beneath these unexamined lives. They will ultimately turn and attack.
Perhaps this is someone who feels that they have “done all their work” and they don’t need to continue to evolve throughout life. They’ve done it. They've been to therapy “a few times” and they are so evolved out of it because they read a few books or potentially some Instagram posts or maybe even a blog or two.
Let’s be real. When you choose to live a life of evolution this is a continual process that will go throughout your entire life. This is not something that you just do over a weekend workshop or ceremony. When you think you get it, you got it, you’ve done it all - be aware.
Personal growth and transformation is a continual process, and we must have humility throughout our lifetime through our own evolution. I have been brought to my knees countless times. What I do understand is that this is a lifelong process of healing awareness and awakening. This is not a one time shot out of a cannon “I got it” thing. This will be continual throughout this life. It’s not an easy life to continue to do your work, however, the alternative of falling into a state of sleepwalking is certainly not an option, at least not for me. I am currently waking up to my own blind spots in this area.
I’ve had a decade now, of a multitude of these characters that have taught me to wake up, be present, and really truly listen from a deeper level. I take full responsibility for where I didn’t stop and walk away as soon as I saw red flags in this particular area. I’m giving myself the grace and compassion for what it took to finally wake up and learn these lessons. And we’ve got to give ourselves a break through the process of our own awakening. It’s a process. It’s similar to being in a creative process or perhaps, as a scientist, discovering and uncovering that breakthrough. Once you see these things, you can’t unsee them.
I am interested in being honest and truthful to myself. And what that means for me is really learning these lessons, and not needing to relearn them over and over again.
Crystals most certainly are supportive in a multi-dimensional way through personal evolution. It’s not always easy, that is for sure. I am so grateful for these masterful teachers that have helped guide and lead the way through their quiet wisdom.
When it comes to being able to see and feel through this particular lesson of the masked victim, a few crystals that are wonderful companions are Labradorite, Shungite, Clear Quartz, Lemurian, Herkimer Diamond.
The Obsidians - Black Obsidian, Silver Sheen Obsidian, Golden Obsidian - all of these are excellent crystals for sharpening, clarifying, and cutting off this energy.
My invitation is to continue to walk bravely through this life and continue to awaken to yourself over and over again. This is a process, and there are many beautiful stops along the way. Take them in and celebrate as you evolve up the ladder of life.